Have you ever made a decision that was so big, so all-consuming at the time you made it, that you assumed it would haunt you for a while? That you’d second guess and dwell? I have.
When I left teaching, I was certain that the first few back to school seasons would be a little rough.
I love back to school time. I especially love shopping for school supplies. And oh, Dixon-Ticonderoga Number 2 pencils. (Seriously, no other pencil compares. They smell like learning.
Have I scared all of you away yet?
Ahem. Anyway, with all that school supply love, I adored setting up my classroom. I loved thinking about how to best arrange the desks, looking for new ways to get organized, and thinking about the coming school year and all the wonderful little people I’d get to meet. Going to sleep the night before the first day of school was like going to sleep on Christmas Eve. I was so giddy I could hardly contain myself.
I loved spending the first days of school with my students. Organizing materials, getting to know one another, and starting the year with some of my favorite activities. In fact, I loved all the time I spent with my students. If I could have just had the 8:30 – 3:30 part of teaching, there’s a good chance I’d still be doing it.
And yet… I don’t feel mournful this time of year. I feel like I should, sometimes. I still notice and celebrate the arrival of a new school year, but now it’s because it means Goose goes back to work and I don’t have to look at his peacefully sleeping face while I’m tearing myself out of bed at 5:00 am.
And it means fall is coming soon. Fall is my favorite.
But the angst? Sadness? Longing? They are not here. Just constant reassurance that I made the right choice. (Have I mentioned how much I love my job and all the things I’m doing now?)
Tell me about a big decision you made. Was it more difficult than you thought it’d be? Easier?